Singleton Angst

I spent months resentful towards mommies of single babies. I can confess this because most of my friends that have non-multiples have heard this from me before. It was the ease with which I imagined their motherhood experience must be. How simple to worry about the logistics of only one baby while breastfeeding, to have only the baby in your arms to concern yourself with, to nap when your one baby napped, to change only one diaper, dress and bathe only one and most of all, to transport, shop, go to the doctor - anything - while carrying that ONE baby simply and easily. Either in a car seat, in a sling or how quaint! on one hip with the diaper bag casually slung over your opposite shoulder.

I could be seen struggling to carry 2 car seats - one in the crook of my arm, the other in my opposite hand, my backpack diaper bag already slung over both shoulders. Trying not to look frazzled, but feeling crazy-stressed inside, always double checking my mental list to make sure I wasn't forgetting something, and always overheated and perspiring from the effort.

(On the other hand, I loved the challenge - proving that I could do all these things with two babies. But it wore me down to my core. I kept up the facade so well that I wondered if all mommies do this? Are we all just ticking time bombs driving around in our mini-vans?)

It all started that fateful day when I saw two Tiny Heads on the ultrasound screen. My pregnancy immediately transformed from one in which I envisioned myself jogging around the neighborhood during my 3rd trimester into a reluctant HIGH-RISK-no-exercise-except-for-yoga-and-eat-2,700-calories-a-day-to-gain-weight bummer of a pregnancy, with a likely probability of bed rest to boot. I learned such appealing terms as "twin skin" and "pre-eclampsia" and the one that still gives me pause; "singleton". I like to consider myself a bit of a wordsmith - I'll stop someone mid-sentence to compliment them on a well placed, impressive word. But I had never heard of a baby referred to as a singleton. It's used exclusively in the multiples community. And dare I say, it almost sounds a bit condescending...

My angst has subsided, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that I still feel it from time to time...